It's coming up on a year in lockdown now. At some point along the way I stopped waiting for things to go "back to normal" and just accepted that this is the new normal, and I've been happier since. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect to remain in lockdown forever (although we might, if the Tories keep bloody opening things early and causing cases to spike), but I don't think things will ever go back to the way they were before. At the very least I think masks will be around for a while, and possibly social distancing in public places since I suspect many people are going to discover an intense dislike of crowds going forward.

For me, accepting this as the new normal has meant some lifestyle changes. I learned to cut my own hair, and it's good enough to get me by since I hate having really long hair, although I haven't been brave enough to attempt my blue-purple dye job at home. I've bought a breadmaker since I'm sick of running out of bread at the weekends, and a step machine so I can get some exercise in. Overall we've got better about home cooking. Since our groceries arrive once a week and we can't just pop to the shop for when we run out of something or fancy dinner out, we're roasting up our leftover vegetables once a week and using them as a base for the next few days' meals. We're not being particularly adventurous, since cooking at the end of a working day is still a chore and not a pleasure, but we are eating better overall.

Working from home has turned out to have unexpected benefits. Early last year my employer asked everyone for their opinions on home working, and I said I didn't think I'd particularly like it, but it turns out I love it. I was worried about losing the routine of working in the office, but I'm perfectly capable of keeping that going at home - the getting ready for work routine is exactly the same except for an extra hour in bed and no commute. It helps that we each have a dedicated space to work in, and I always make sure to be dressed, even if I'm dressed down. That's not to say I haven't worked in my dressing gown a few times, if I'm feeling low or it's been particularly cold, but I'm in clothes underneath and not my PJs.

The thing that's really helped is not having the commute, and that's something I'm hearing from a lot of colleagues. It wasn't until that was removed that people really realised just how much stress it was causing them - whether with traffic and finding somewhere to park, or rushing to catch crowded public transport.

That's not to say everything's come up peaches. Mental health has been a big concern and both of us have struggled at times. It helped that we set ground rules early about asking for and giving each other space, and letting the other person know if we're having a bad day or are likely to be particularly snappy. It's helped to keep things from escalating into arguments, where before we might have taken the other person's bad mood personally.

I'm going on social media less often now, since Facebook and Twitter are mostly relentless firehoses of negativity, although I'm keeping up with other online connections like forums since it's easier to control what I'm exposed to and have actual conversations. Something I wasn't expecting is to be less interested in watching TV and movies. There are a few things I'm keen to keep up with or rewatch, but mostly I find it a bit dull and am reading or playing computer games instead - things I'd been doing less off. (Although we are planning a full rewatch of Supernatural before we get to season 15 on DVD).

I'm writing more, having tailed off to pretty much nothing by the end of last year. Part of that is the annual reset (I take December off and then hit January running) but hopefully it's also a sign that things have settled enough that I can plough on. My novel was abandoned early last year, and I wrote little apart from a handful of pretty dark poems and some fanfiction. I want to keep doing that, but also pick up with longer works and turn around some projects that have been languishing on my harddrive for far too long.

Of course I said I was going to take on new things last year, too...

It's been a busy couple of months and I still haven't caught up with Babylon 5.

Now I've signed the contract, I can share that I've sold the reprint of "A Night of Many Months" to Pseudopod, although I'm not sure yet when it will be out.

In October I went to Bristolcon, my first SFF con experience. I enjoyed the panels and workshops I attended, and meeting new people, but it was heavy on the socialising (as these things are) which I found very tiring after a while. Especially after getting on the train to Bristol at 7am. It was nice to hang around with other writers for a while, and the entertainment was excellent (ever seen a string quartet play while doing the can can?), but I probably should have gone to bed half an hour, maybe even an hour, earlier and by the time I hit my room I was having a full-blown anxiety attack brought on by overtiredness, poor hydration, erratic eating, and too much input in a short space of time.

So, mixed feelings. I enjoyed it and would probably go again, but don't feel the travel and expense of a longer con, or one further away, would be worth it. I definitely won't be doing Worldcon any time soon!

During the course on Finishing Your Novel, I committed to finishing a novella by the end of November. It's a full rework of an older project, so I have a pretty good idea of where it's going, but then I got sidetracked by a story I'd been stuck on - which was an altogether more appealing prospect than slogging my way through an ill-advised outline (although it was an interesting experiment). Then I got sidetracked by projects at home, and preparing for Christmas, and haven't finished either.

I've got some time off over Christmas, so I'm going to spend the time making plans for next year. There are several projects that need time and attention, and I've got several online courses from The Rambo Academy for Wayward Writers to finish. The days when I could rattle out several thousand words a week are long gone - I no longer have the time or energy (free Thursdays not having panned out so far which is something else to address in the new year), so need to get the best out of what I do have.

Taking a hiatus on the Babylon 5 posts due to a family emergency, but hope to be back with them in a week or two once the routine and energy levels even out again. At the moment I'm not up to much beyond going to work, and watching repeats of The Great British Bake Off on Netflix.

There has been some writing news. My story "Armistice War", which was published in the Flame Tree Press newsletter in June is now available on their website for non-subscribers. "In Search of Camanac" has been reprinted in the anthology Pioneers and Pathfinders, and the overall table of contents looks fantastic. I've sold another reprint, to a market I'm excited to break into, but I'm waiting for the contract before I make it public.

This year is turning out to be a lean year in terms of writing output. I've written some poems, some for publication and some just for fun, but not much new fiction. It's frustrating, and I'm wondering how I've got to October already without doing any of the things I planned. Sometimes it just turns out that way so I'm trying not to beat myself up about it. I should be reclaiming a handful of hours to write each week, due to a shift in my working hours, so hopefully that will help. If not, at least it's nearly the new year already and I can start again.

In the wonderful Good Omens, there's a scene that muses on how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. The answer being one, because angels don't dance except for that one time Aziraphale learned the gavotte only to be disappointed when it went out of fashion.

Which then got me thinking about how writing is exactly like an angel learning to gavotte.

While it appears a throwaway reference in the book, the scene in the series has around thirty seconds of Aziraphale dancing. Not only did they have to find someone who knew how to gavotte to teach Michael Sheen and the dancers how to gavotte, they had to source appropriate music and costumes for the scene. They had to rehearse to make it look effortless. All for thirty seconds of film.

None of that research or practice is visible on the screen, and if writing is done well none of it's visible on the page either.

It's also not a throwaway reference at all. It refers to an argument first recorded as early as the seventeenth century and probably even older which is still in modern usage. The narrator (God in the TV adaptation) tells us that "Aziraphale had learned to gavotte in a discreet gentlemen’s club in Portland Place in the late 1880’s". That discreet club was probably The Hundred Guineas Club, and exclusive gay club, given the other gentlemen's club in Portland Place at the time was a gambling club and probably not the sort of place an angel would learn to dance. It also ties nicely in with other references in the text to people assuming Aziraphale's gay.

Which is to say, good writing has layers.

And finally, fashions come and go. If you spend all your time writing to market (or learning to gavotte) you're likely to be disappointed when the trends change. Write what you love, and enjoy yourself as much as Aziraphale clearly does in this (slightly edited) video of him dancing the gavotte.

Back when I started writing for publication I sent everything out under C.L. Holland and didn't think too much about it. Which means my back catalogue, now that I have one, is a fairly odd mix of speculative fiction and mainstream poetry.

Since I've started putting my older works up on Curious Fictions, I've decided to do a bit of rebranding and keep things separate. I've been writing and submitting poetry under the name Lucy Gabriel for a while, so it makes sense to collect the older poems under that name too (all except "The Owl and Great Cthulhu", which is pretty unambiguously spec).

My science fiction and fantasy works are staying under C.L. Holland, and the website, blog and social media links are staying the same.

My poetry is now under the name Lucy Gabriel, although you may still see some of it under the old name on sites where it was originally published. The website of Lucy Gabriel is https://lucygabriel.weebly.com, with a blog and social media links on Twitter and Facebook. Several poems are available at Curious Fictions.

It's been a long time since I last posted (a loooong time). That's life. I'd recently started a new job and joined the gym on last update, and they kind of took over. Between training, building up experience, more training, more building up experience, new job ate up most of my processing power. The gym, it turned out, ate the only hour in my (working) day that wasn't taken up by work or being mentally tired. It also ate up the only hour until I got home where I wasn't in company, which turned out to matter more than I thought.

Long story short, I've been mentally and physically knackered for most of the last nine months. I've written one thing, a piece of flash which I hope I'll be able to give a publication date for soon (yay!), and that's it.

The thing is, I assumed it was all the job, but when I got comfortable after the second round of training my stress levels and general crankiness didn't change - except on the days I didn't go to the gym. I'd dropped back from five days to three and it didn't help, except that on the days off I didn't get out of bed hating the world.

So last week I didn't go to the gym at all. I spent the hour reading, checking emails, and generally chilling out instead.You know what? I felt better. I didn't ache all week, my knees didn't hurt, I wasn't tired and stressed, and I didn't wake up wanting to set the world on fire. Apparently a busy gym, where I'm never sure which equipment I'll actually be able to get to, a packed and too hot changing room, queuing for grubby showers, and rushing to get to my desk, was exactly what I didn't need.

The next step is to reclaim that hour for writing, but it's hard to get going again from a dead stop. I've bought a Reckless Deck and the book Tarot for Writers in an attempt to generate prompts and ideas. At the moment the only thing standing in the way is me. Let's hope it's not another nine months before I have something to post.

Further to last year's First Timer's Guide, here's a few more hints and tips to make the week easier for even seasoned Swanwickers. Because let's face it, we all forget this stuff.

1. Bring any writing-related books you no longer need - You can donate them to the school for sale in the Book Room, to raise funds for the school. Bringing them with you automatically frees up the space in your luggage and on your bookshelves for all the books you'll buy at Swanwick.
2. The Hayes gift shop is generally open during the tea and coffee breaks on the programme - You may rarely catch it outside these hours, but generally the tea and coffee breaks are the time to visit. I mention it because I spoke to a Swanwick regular last year who, not realising the opening hours, kept missing it.
3. There is a games room - There's also a giant outdoor chess set in the Quad. It you find yourself with nothing to do (it could happen!), you could play a game.
4. All floors in Lakeside are accessable from ground level - It just depends on which floor you're on and where in the building. As a general rule: rooms on the ground floor are accessible from the far right entrance; rooms on the first floor are accessible from the middle entrance (for the Alan Booth Centre); and rooms on the second floor are accessible from the lefthand entrance (past the Main Conference Hall). Of course, if your room is on the opposite side of the building it may be quicker to take the stairs.
5. The Hayes has at least two bookcases of books for sale - For the price of a donation in the charity tin, you can help yourself. One is opposite the shop, the other in the Lakeside foyer.
6. If you leave dinner at the last minute, you won't have time to get to the loo before the speaker - Seriously, if you're likely to need the toilet in the next hour and a half, leave dinner early. The queues are pretty much what you'd expect from a convention of writers who've been drinking coffee all day and have just started on the wine.
7. Pack layers - Typically for British summers it may or may not be sunny/rainy/stormy/snowing. Plus the Main Conference Hall and some of the other teaching rooms are freezing in the morning, but quickly heat up once they get full of people. You will ultimately be more comfortable if your wear layers so you can take some clothes off without scandalising anyone.
8. The coffee in the bar is better than the coffee in the rooms - If you plan on heading back to your room to get some writing done, take the coffee with you. If you want to get decent coffee in the mornings, leave a little early.
9. If you don't like coffee there are about eight different types of tea - So there's no need to bring teabags with you unless you're particularly fussy. They're in the bar area by the coffee machines and include decaff options (the rooms only have regular). If you're more of a tea drinker, think about taking some tea bags back to your room.
10. The noticeboard in the Vinery is a good place to plan extracurricular events - Last year, we had matchmaking for people who wanted to go on excursions, and an impromptu class on mindfulness. You can also speak to the committe about making an announcement.

I've seen, two or three times this month, writers saying that non-paying markets are the norm. There seems to be this myth that paying markets are few and far between, and that's really not the case. I suspect this is a form of The Tiffany Problem: people "know" that markets don't pay because that's what common knowledge says. But the reality is that there are plenty of paying markets out there if you know where to look.

This varies across genres, and non- paying markets seem to be far more prevalent in literary and poetry circles than speculative fiction. Here's the thing: a number of literary and poetry journals don't pay because they're a labour of love. For example journals run by universities, staffed by students, without the budget to pay writers. Some of these are more prestigious than others, and sometimes it's worth not getting paid for appearing in a highly regarded journal or magazine. However sometimes these markets are simply a guy with a blog, posting stories for fun.

There are several ways to look for paying markets. Many writing magazines (certainly here in the UK) include a section of listings. The drawback to this is that you have to wade through all of them, whether or not they're relevant. This is also the case with books like The Writers' and Artists' Yearbook and Poet's Market, with the addition that these quickly go out of date.

Fortunately there are a number of ways to search online:

General market databases
Duotrope - Duotrope contains a searchable database that lets you look for markets by genre and pay rate, among other variables. It leans more towards poetry and literary markets, and has a subscription fee of $5 a month.
The Submissions Grinder - Although technically still in beta, this is a a perfectly functional site with another searchable database. It tends to skew more towards speculative fiction since that's where it originated and where most of the user base lies, but has recently started populating poetry markets and does have a fairly big catalogue of non-genre markets. It's also free.

Both sites also allow for tracking of submissions.

Paying Publications allows for very basic search filtering, and allows for searching of paying poetry markets based on whether a poem is new/already published, already under submission somewhere else, and whether or not the poet is established.
Poets and Writers has a basic searchable database - which doesn't allow for searching by pay rate (see above regarding literary markets!)

Blogs and list sites:
There are also a number of blogs and listing sites that are a useful resource even if not searchable. These are often genre specific.
Dark Markets is for horror markets and offers a very basic filter by publication type (anthology, podcast, etc).
My Little Corner is a blog by author Sandra Seamans that focuses on crime and mystery markets.
Womagwriter is aimed at women's magazine fiction.
Ralan is for speculative fiction markets.

Poet Alison runs the Creative Writing Opportunities List, although please note you need to be logged in to Yahoo to access this.

Facebook groups
There are also several groups you can join on Facebook where opportunities are posted, both paying and non-paying.
Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Pulp Markets.
Horror.
Crime, Thriller, Mystery Markets.
Poetry, Fiction, Art.

And this one specifically for paying markets.

So, there are plenty of opportunities out there!

If you want to submit to a non-paying market, that's up to you. Sometimes the prestige or opportunity to support a charity is worth the loss of payment. You might not be interested in publishing for money. But please, whatever you do, don't give your work away for free because you don't think anyone will pay, because that's simply not true.

With thanks to Helena Bell and Dan Stout for additional links. Further suggestions welcome in the comments.

Even less done in May than April, it feels. I did work on the novella until mid month, but stalled when I hit the contest deadline and there wasn't a sense of urgency any more. I've worked on a couple of poems since, but not much else. I've worked on a couple of beading projects and read some books, but no writing. Work is busy and eating a lot of my bandwidth at the moment. Not much of an update, but that's it.

I don't feel like I've done much over April. My novella is nowhere near as far along as it should be and I may be too far behind to catch up ( it needs to be finished in two weeks). But when I looked at my calendar I realised I'd written 50% of the days last month so I'm counting it as a win.

It's tough to get back in the habit of writing regularly, especially when working hours aren't regular. It's impossible to set up a routine if I can't guarantee I'll have writing time before work, after work, or at lunch time, or if I'll have to cook  and/or do housework in the evenings. Since my hours vary week to week, I'm just starting to get into a routine when it all changes. Younger me didn't mind so much; today me is fed up with one more thing to keep track of. I feel like I'm wasting mental energy having to remember what time I need to leave the house this week, if I need to take breakfast, do I need to put laundry on before I leave or will there be time to do it when I get home, will I have time to cook and if not do we have soup in, what time should I get to bed.

I'm honestly thinking of writing timings down in my Bullet Journal to save me the bother of remembering. It certainly works for to do lists.

Since it's a bank holiday I'm using today to catch up on writing and blogging, and trying out an experiment in making writing at home like writing at a coffee shop. Although it will be a cat cafe, obviously. More on that later.